Caregivers have a tendency of not taking care of themselves. I know this from my own experience. When Joe finally passed, I think I slept for a week; I was so totally exhausted. What I didn’t realize is just how exhausted I was.

The holiday season is coming fast and can be so stressful for caregivers. This is the time that I feel that we need to be intentional in what we are going to do and not do. Will you decorate the house “to the nines” (as my mother used to say) or will you not decorate at all? I used to feel guilty if I didn’t do all the “holiday” things that I wanted to but just didn’t have the energy. I know this is useless now, the guilt and emotional pain of not doing a “tradition” that you’ve always done, but can’t face this year because of your exhaustion.

This year, only do what you can and forget the rest, without guilt. Maybe it will be a small tree instead of that large tree that you “always” go hunt for and put up. Make small batches of cookies instead of the hundreds of dozens you usually bake. It is up to you to decide what you are NOT going to do and what you want to do.

If someone asks what you want for Christmas, instead of saying “nothing” (like I always did) tell them (or better yet make a list!) of things that will be helpful for you. Here is a small list to get you started:

• Volunteer time to be with your “person” so you can have some time for yourself.
• Gift cards for a salon or spa.
• Jobs around the house to be done (mowing, maintenance, housekeeping)
• Meals to be brought in, or someone to do grocery shopping for you.

It’s up to you. No one will step in and do for you unless you let them know what you need. So, decide what you will and won’t do and then ask others if they can help with the things you just don’t have the time and energy for.

You need to take care of yourself or you won’t be around to be a caregiver.