Tag Archives: Decisions

Do We Care?

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This has been a very bad week for me. From the murder on a subway in Charlotte, NC to the school shooting in Colorado and finally ending with the assassination of Charlie Kirk, my head feels like it’s going to explode, and my heart is very heavy, and it hurts. Tears come quickly and I’ve been very emotional. A lot of people are talking right now, and I figure I’ll add my voice. This is not just for now, these things that have happened have changed my way of thinking.

So far, I’ve been keeping my voice light and upbeat. The things that happened to me and how God has brought me through it is miraculous. I’ve been filled with a sense of Awe and Wonder as to why I’m still here. Now I think I know.

Many of us in the background of Christianity stay quiet. We go about our days watching society crumbling around us. Many of us pray fervently for our society in general and the people around us. It’s now time to stop being quiet. Don’t get me wrong, these people are needed, prayers are needed, however, many that have been quiet need to speak up.

I hate labels. I’ll put that out there. I hate them because they box in people; put people in categories. I’m a woman, mother and a grandmother. Those labels are what I am, not what I believe in. Far Left; Far Right. Conservative; Liberal. Those are labels. I believe in truth. I believe that the Bible is true. I believe Jesus rose from the grave to save me. Those are my beliefs. Within that framework I have further beliefs that a lot of people will say that I’m wrong. I think that now you will hear what I believe in.

Charlie died because he stood up in front of millions of college students and said what he believed. There was a time in this country that you could do that without fear of being murdered. People call Charlie a fascist without truly knowing what it means. Look it up, people!! Mussolini was a fascist, and you dared not speak against him or you were dead. The same with the nazis. Charlie invited people to come and challenge his beliefs be they spiritual or political. That’s not a fascist.

My question at the top is “Do We Care?” Do we care that a voice has been quieted? That a good man, a good husband and a good father has been taken away? I get physically sick when I hear people rejoicing over his death. That Charlie got what he deserved. Did the girl on the subway get what she deserved? Did the ones in Colorado that got shot get what they deserved? Only those acquainted with Satan would celebrate death.

This week this song has been in my head and I can’t get it out. Charlie this is for you:

Take Care…

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On this blog I’ve been saying that it is important for caregivers to take care of themselves. I want to let you know that I didn’t come out of my time of care giving in good shape. Too late, I’ve realized that I really didn’t follow the advice that I’ve been giving you. For years I put taking care of me in the background so that I could take care of others. I’m now starting to reap what I’ve sown. This is why I stress it so much.

I thought that once I retired I would be able to bounce back to where I was sometime in the past, meaning my energy levels and my mental and emotional state. Actually, I thought the same thing would happen after Joe died, and it did for a bit. But I was still working full time and going through the grind of the office everyday and all of the stress that causes. Now that I have retired I thought I would have more energy and be more mentally alert. This didn’t happen. Instead, for the past six months, I’ve been tired, sleepy and bored but with no energy to do anything about it. At first I told myself to be easy on myself and just recover. Take it easy. I started getting caught up on my own doctor check ups and found that there are some things I’m going to have to do.

I’ve run myself down into a rut. I’m very “out of shape” so to speak. Nothing major is going on, I’ve just been extremely hard on my physical self. I’ve done this for years, not taking breaks, just trying to get through the stress of living and taking care of Joe. I did do small things like going to a counselor and taking a couple of hours a week to take a walk. But nothing regular, nothing planned. I didn’t do social things, so now I have no friends to contact and the friends that I did have I haven’t talked to in ages. I’ve backed myself into a corner but I’ve decided to fight my way out.

I go to an exercise class twice a week at the local YMCA. Check them out, they have some wonderful programs especially if you’re a senior. I also started to attend church regularly and I go to a large Women’s Bible Study once a week. I’m doing these things to be more “social”. I’m an introvert and it’s very hard for me to start friendships, so I’m forcing myself out of my house to meet people.

I know that if you are actively care giving at this time it is really hard to leave the house, but if you can, please do activities that will lift your spirits or give you some fresh air and exercise. If you can’t leave your home I’ve found tons of Bible Study’s and teachings online, mostly on YouTube and most churches have an online option. If you are a senior, look into the “Silver Sneakers” website and they have a YouTube channel as well.

I messed myself up. I would hate to see anyone follow my footsteps. Take care of yourself because there is only one of you.

Wisdom and the Rest of the Prayer.

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Whenever I hear the word wisdom, I think of King Solomon. He was supposed to have prayed for wisdom and also received it. In the context of this prayer, we are asking for wisdom to know the difference. The difference between acceptance and change, and when we should do either one.

I don’t think I’m a very wise person. In fact, I look back and some of the things that I have done are really stupid. I wonder where my brain was when I decided those things. But praying for wisdom; that’s just a step up. We are coming to the Lord and saying we don’t know what we should do and asking Him to help us. We have to be humble to ask this.

To be humble is to admit that you are not a good judge of a situation. Perhaps you are too close to the situation to determine what should happen. To be humble you need to acknowledge that you are not in control. To be humble you need to have a peace about letting God have control. To be humble to listen to the Lord and do as He tells you.

He may speak to you through the scriptures, or perhaps a good friend who you trust. Always seek counseling with others because you may be too close to the situation to make a good decision.

The rest of this prayer is about humility. Living only one day at a time; which is all the that Lord has promised us. Enjoying what is happening now; not letting the past or future ruin what joy there is in a day. Accepting any hardship, knowing that the Lord will get us though it. Doing what the Lord would have us do because blessings will always come with following the Lord.

This whole prayer is one that can help you live your life. It encompasses living in the Lord in a few sentences. Since doing this blog about the Serenity Prayer I think that I will have to take it more to heart then I’ve done in the recent past. I’ve reminded myself why I used to pray this a lot. I don’t have Joe to take care of anymore, but this prayer is too good to set aside.

Acceptance

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Now that I’ve written about Serenity, I guess I have to tackle the next line in this prayer. I’ve been putting this off a bit because acceptance is really, really hard. We don’t want to accept things, the way life is. We want the power to change things to the way WE want them. Acceptance means giving up control.

This is really hard to write about. I’ve had my struggles with acceptance for years. I want to control what happens. I want the outcome of any situation to be the outcome I envisioned. Of course this is totally self-centered. It’s so hard to think that you do not have control.

But this acceptance is about the “Things I Cannot Change”. There is a lot of stuff you can’t change. If you just look around you, especially at the people around you, you cannot change them. If you look at your situation, the trials and the problems, you may find a way to change that, but in most situations you can’t.

I fought against this for years. I didn’t want to be stuck taking care of my husband. I wanted him healthy but I knew that wasn’t going to miraculously happen. Now that sounds horrible, but it was the truth. Life was so hard. I had acquaintances say to me that they “Didn’t want to be me” or “Better you than me”.

Now that hurt sometimes, but I finally found an acceptance in saying “It is what it is…” When I went to my counselor I explored this. We went over my situation and there was truly nothing I could do to change it. Oh, I could leave my husband and try to make a “new” life, but I personally couldn’t do that. I couldn’t leave him to struggle on his own, so that left me right where I was.

The bottom line of this is that it takes a while to “Accept the Things you Cannot Change”. I still struggle with this now, but in a different way. Life is always going to hand us situations that we can do nothing about. Now, I have learned to bow my head in prayer and try to put these situations in His Hands.

Breaking up with Fear

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I’m sorry I haven’t posted lately. I’ve been taking care of me, navigating the medical community while everyone is still under the Covid-19 restrictions. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like if Joe was still living and we had to navigate all of his medical appointments and visiting nurses and all that with the restrictions we have today. My hat is off you those of you who are trying your hardest to take care of your person and still keep your cool. I know I’ve been tempted to just chuck it all and hang it up and that is just from me trying to navigate alone.

I still see a lot of fear out there, but the “atmosphere” is much better than it used to be. Francesca Battistelli put out this song in 2018, but it’s gotten a lot of play lately. It’s such a cute song with a powerful message. You can listen to it below, The Breakup Song:

Taking Care of You

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Caregivers have a tendency of not taking care of themselves. I know this from my own experience. When Joe finally passed, I think I slept for a week; I was so totally exhausted. What I didn’t realize is just how exhausted I was.

The holiday season is coming fast and can be so stressful for caregivers. This is the time that I feel that we need to be intentional in what we are going to do and not do. Will you decorate the house “to the nines” (as my mother used to say) or will you not decorate at all? I used to feel guilty if I didn’t do all the “holiday” things that I wanted to but just didn’t have the energy. I know this is useless now, the guilt and emotional pain of not doing a “tradition” that you’ve always done, but can’t face this year because of your exhaustion.

This year, only do what you can and forget the rest, without guilt. Maybe it will be a small tree instead of that large tree that you “always” go hunt for and put up. Make small batches of cookies instead of the hundreds of dozens you usually bake. It is up to you to decide what you are NOT going to do and what you want to do.

If someone asks what you want for Christmas, instead of saying “nothing” (like I always did) tell them (or better yet make a list!) of things that will be helpful for you. Here is a small list to get you started:

  • Volunteer time to be with your “person” so you can have some time for yourself.
  • Gift cards for a salon or spa.
  • Jobs around the house to be done (mowing, maintenance, housekeeping)
  • Meals to be brought in, or someone to do grocery shopping for you.

It’s up to you. No one will step in and do for you unless you let them know what you need. So, decide what you will and won’t do and then ask others if they can help with the things you just don’t have the time and energy for.

You need to take care of yourself or you won’t be around to be a caregiver.