Tag Archives: Help

Find Some Help

Posted on by
Reply

When Joe’s condition worsened and he really needed someone to stay with him during the day I was starting to panic. I couldn’t stop working because at that time I was supporting not only Joe and myself, but also my son and his family. They helped with Joe and kept an eye on him, however, they had two young children that were autistic. This mix worked for the most part. My son and Joe didn’t always get along and the grandchildren were, well, children. They were noisy and messy. This caused some friction, but we got through it. My son and his wife were not really up to giving Joe a shower, for example.

After one of Joe’s hospitalizations the social worker at the hospital made an appointment to come over with a Department of Aging person. Now, Joe died at 58 so he wasn’t elderly, but, the Department of Aging also works with the disabled population. We live in Pennsylvania and I found out that PA loves her elderly and disabled. Through this talk I found out that we were eligible for home care aides and even a chair lift for the steps. Since they went by Joe’s income and not mine, we qualified. We received a chair lift (custom made for our steps) and daily aides that came in to take care of Joe’s daily needs. Joe wasn’t always happy with the aides (see previous post) but I was so relieved that I could count on someone to always be with him.

The help that these agencies can give you is different in each state. As I said, PA loves it’s aging and disabled but not all states do. One good place to start would be at your person’s doctor. See if they can refer you to a Department of Aging or other resource in your area. Just getting on the computer and doing a little research can help. In just a few moments I found Caregiver Resources & Long-Term Care on the Department of Health and Human Services page. Networking isn’t as strange as it sounds. You know, that friend of a friend that knows someone that received help from an agency. Keep your ears open and ask your friends and acquaintances if they know of an agency. If you are a member of a church, let them know of your need and someone there may know of a resource.

If you are in need of help, let someone know; a doctor, counselor, a good friend. Don’t keep struggling on your own. There are places you can go for help.

Taking Care of You

Posted on by
Reply

Caregivers have a tendency of not taking care of themselves. I know this from my own experience. When Joe finally passed, I think I slept for a week; I was so totally exhausted. What I didn’t realize is just how exhausted I was.

The holiday season is coming fast and can be so stressful for caregivers. This is the time that I feel that we need to be intentional in what we are going to do and not do. Will you decorate the house “to the nines” (as my mother used to say) or will you not decorate at all? I used to feel guilty if I didn’t do all the “holiday” things that I wanted to but just didn’t have the energy. I know this is useless now, the guilt and emotional pain of not doing a “tradition” that you’ve always done, but can’t face this year because of your exhaustion.

This year, only do what you can and forget the rest, without guilt. Maybe it will be a small tree instead of that large tree that you “always” go hunt for and put up. Make small batches of cookies instead of the hundreds of dozens you usually bake. It is up to you to decide what you are NOT going to do and what you want to do.

If someone asks what you want for Christmas, instead of saying “nothing” (like I always did) tell them (or better yet make a list!) of things that will be helpful for you. Here is a small list to get you started:

  • Volunteer time to be with your “person” so you can have some time for yourself.
  • Gift cards for a salon or spa.
  • Jobs around the house to be done (mowing, maintenance, housekeeping)
  • Meals to be brought in, or someone to do grocery shopping for you.

It’s up to you. No one will step in and do for you unless you let them know what you need. So, decide what you will and won’t do and then ask others if they can help with the things you just don’t have the time and energy for.

You need to take care of yourself or you won’t be around to be a caregiver.